Mobile
by SilentBobina
Summary: A short songfic about Oz leaving Sunnydale the second time.


Hilde: I'm hoping this turns out to be an angsty sweet Willow/Oz fic.  
  
Simon: So she's keeping me up all night.  
  
Hilde: You help me with angst and fluff. I like Willow and Oz as a couple so I'm going to write about how they still yearn for each other.  
  
Simon: She loves songfics, songs 'inspire' her.  
  
Hilde: I don't love the sarcasm but yes they do. I have strange taste in music although I like it. This is a songfic of 'Mobile' by Avril Lavigne.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters, *sigh* I do own a copy of the CD though.  
***=beginning or end of a part of the song  
  
***  
Went back home again,  
this sucks gotta pack up and leave again.  
Say goodbye to all my friends,  
can't say when I'll be there again.  
***  
  
'I really missed them,' Oz thought, 'I mean, I knew I missed Willow, but Buffy and Xander and everyone.' 'I wish I could stay.' 'No you can't, you love her still but that's more of a reason to leave, to protect her from you,' His head fought his heart. Oz had missed her, it was true and her abscence had caused his love to grow. Memories clung to his brain. Memories of her scent and her auburn hair tickling his neck as raw passion coarsed through their bodies. Sweet kisses and soft lips caressing his ear. Sometimes he became so intoxicated by the memories of her that they almost became real. So real that when he came back to reality her scent was seemingly present upon himself.  
  
***  
It's time now to turn around,  
turn my back on everything.  
  
Everything's changing when I turn around,  
all out of my control,  
I'm a mobile.  
Everything's changing everywhere I go,  
all out of my control,  
I'm a mobile.  
***  
  
'I need to leave,' Oz thought and all of a sudden angry tears burned, rolling down his cheeks. 'She's replaced me, I mean I figured she might have met someone but Tara, I mean talk about a surprise.' The thought that Willow had replaced him was sad enough in itself, but being replaced by Tara made him feel worthless, it meant that she'd rather date women because of him. He felt bad enough just knowing he hurt her. Once more he remembered the day he left Sunnydale the first time. He remembered Willow's face with her tears flowing freely, he remembered her heartbreaking question, "Oz...don't you love me?" How he had answered so assuredly, "My whole life I've never loved anything else." He was sure had that been today his answer would be just as definite and steady as it was then.  
  
***  
Start back at this life,  
strech myself back into the vibe.  
I'm waking up to say I've tried,  
instead of waking up to another TV guide.  
It's time now,  
to turn around,  
turn and walk on this crazy ground.  
***  
  
The road might be long but he'd have to forget her. He couldn't ever come back, he knew. Even if his love drew him back to Sunydale for the rest of his life.  
  
***  
Everything's changing when I turn around,  
all out of my control,  
I'm a mobile.  
Everything's changing everywhere I go,  
all out of my control,  
I'm a mobile.  
  
Hanging from the ceiling,  
life's a mobile.  
Spinning round,  
mixed feelings crazy and wild.  
Sometimes I wanna scream out loud.  
  
Everything's changing,  
everywhere I go,  
all out of my control...  
Everything's changing,  
everywhere I go,  
out of what I know...  
***  
  
Willow had changed from the girl he once loved, but Oz knew if she'd only give him a second chance...'God dammit Oz sometimes you don't get second chances, you're supposed to make it work the first time.' He was so god damn logical and he hated it. Every second his heart gave him a reason to turn back, her hair, her eyes, her kisses, but then his head would step in, 'It's not her anymore, she's not even a shadow of the girl you love,' or, 'She's moved on, why can't you?' Still what he wouldn't give for one more night of holding her, kissing her, that was all he needed, but he knew it could never be and even if it did happen, it'd make leaving again twice as hard. Everday, he'd say one more day until the days turned into a lifetime.  
  
***  
Everything's changing when I turn around,  
all out of my control,  
I'm a mobile.  
Everything's changing everywhere I go,  
all out of my control,  
I'm a mobile.  
***  
  
Oz went down the road, the tears still blazing. He couldn't control Willow, changing her wouldn't be fair and she was happy, that was something to comfort him. 'Oz, forget your selfish desires and let her live.' This was his thought as he looked back at Sunnydale a final time. The realization that her heart was no longer his, pained him. She still held his heart, it would always be hers. Still he would never go back or look back. Just live a life of regret until the day he was ready to move on, although that day did not seem reachable. It was sunset and on the horizon, pink and blue clouds merged to form purple across the vast sky. Oz pulled over to the side of the road. Willow had been right about the 'planetary epidemic' of humans, Oz hadn't found any really safe place to stay where he couldn't hurt anyone. He had just stayed in his van most of the time, even when he wasn't as Willow would say 'wolfy'. The idea of knocking on stranger's doors and asking for a place to stay was not the monosyllabic werewolves idea of finding comfort. His van was comfortable enough with a spread sleeping bag and a couple of pillows. It was a place where he could sleep. Sleep and dream of Willow. After all, that's where she was still his, all of her. He could dream of her, of her here with him in the past, before all the evils had tainted their relationship, and that was good enough for him. 


End file.
